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Martin Kirby Column; Egging Them On, A Cross In The Square and Wising You The Best

By Kirbso  |  Posted: December 20, 2013

  • Cooking the city council's goose

  • Crossing the line; vote at 16 years?

Comments (1)

SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE

It's pantomime time again at

Gloucester City Council and this year, our favourite panto-loons are in a flap

over finances.

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Cast; Councillors PAUL

JAMES as BARON BROKECITY

          JENNIE DALLIMORE as PRINCESS PODSMEADIA

          PAM TRACEY as MOTHER GOOSE

          COLIN ORGAN as MR MOVEMBER

 

Scene 1: BARON BROKECITY

is meeting his friends and supporters in a King's Square telephone kiosk. PRINCESS

PODSMEADIA arrives, looking annoyed.

 

PODSMEADIA

Father – what's all this

about budget cuts? I hope it's not going to affect my Communities and

Neighbourhoods department.

 

BARON

You must be joking, girl. Everything's

in line for the chop. I've already started licking the chocolate from my

leftover McVities so other cabinet members can eat them as ordinary digestives

later.

 

PODSMEADIA

Disgusting!

 

BARON

Certainly was – they

weren't McVities at all – they were cheap copies from the Far East.

 

PODSMEADIA

China?

 

BARON

No, it's a takeaway in

Tuffley. Pity they didn't come from the Eastgate Market, then I'd have had an

excuse to close it down without having to pay any compensation. Still, there

are more important things to worry about – Dick's gone missing.

 

PODSMEADIA

You mean Dick Whittington?

 

BARON

No, our MP. He was

supposed to be at my meeting. Perhaps he's still upset about England losing the

ashes.

 

PODSMEADIA

I'm not surprised nobody's

seen him. The last I heard, he was parking his car in the Gloucester Quays

multi-storey.

 

MOTHER GOOSE races into

the square on her bicycle, screeching to a halt. (Her brakes are noisy too). She

grabs the BARON by the arm.

 

MOTHER GOOSE

I've got an idea.

 

BARON

I know, but can we leave

that for now and concentrate on the budget?

 

MOTHER GOOSE

My goose is very talented.

 

BARON

Your goose is very

painful!

 

MOTHER GOOSE

We've found out that she

can lay golden eggs. We'll all be rich.

 

PODSMEADIA

Doesn't sound like a good idea

to me. We've already got a golden egg and it's been a nightmare to get rid of.

 

MOTHER GOOSE

No, she really can lay

golden eggs. At last we can be proud of Glawster.

 

MR MOVEMBER wanders by,

eating a sandwich.

 

BARON

What have you got there,

Mo?

 

MOVEMBER

Thought I'd try something

different – it's Goose Tikka Masala.

 

MOTHER GOOSE bursts into

tears.

 

PODSMEDIA

Well, that's that. We'll

just have to keep slicing at the salami.

 

MOTHER GOOSE

I think we should go the

whole sausage.

 

BARON

It's the same every year,

over-worked and under-paid councillors doing their best for the city –

attending photo opportunities, business lunches, and getting no thanks from

anyone.

I don't know why I

bother…… by the way, where's MOTHER GOOSE gone?

 

MOVEMBER and PODSMEADIA

She's behind you!

 

NEW AGE VOTERS?

Seeing the kerfuffle

caused by Gloucester's MP, Richard Graham when he commented on the idea of 16

year-olds being able to vote, reminded me of "The Eve of Destruction",

a protest song written by P. F. Sloan in 1965. Several artists have recorded

it, but the best-known version was by Barry McGuire.

Part of it goes;

"The eastern world, it is

exploding.

Violence flarin', bullets

loadin.'’

You're old enough to kill,

but not for votin'." ’

This sums up

exactly what many young people felt in response to Richard's dismissal of their

competence to choose who should represent them in Parliament. I've long been of

the opinion that only the bad guys get publicity. For example, we are told

there are around 100,000 youngsters in the UK who are carers for a disabled

parent or sibling in addition to going to school and running the household. If

they can do that, they should be capable of putting a cross on a piece of

paper. Anyway, most teenagers have more idea of what's going on in the real

world than any of the cosseted, well paid, smug and self-promoting inhabitants

of the House of Commons.

 

HO HO HO!

With this being my

last outing before Yuletide comes and goes, I'd like to wish a very merry

Christmas to both of my readers - and I hope that everyone in Gloucester gets

what they wish for.

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  • SandraPee  |  December 21 2013, 2:28PM

    Ha, ha, hee hee hee, ho, ho, ho ....Good one Martin !!

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