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Fancy a portion of Gloucester Gull meat with noodles?

By The Citizen  |  Posted: March 08, 2014

Gulls

Gulls

Comments (8)

Gloucester is a city under enemy occupation, and soon the ranks of our oppressors will be swelled by a fresh regiment flapping in for the summer.

But the blockbuster, Gulls – The Return, will almost certainly have its lighter moments. Yet again we will be entertained by the wonderfully daft waffling of “experts” and the council’s desperate and always useless Laurel and Hardy-type efforts to make the feathered miscreants behave themselves.

This has all been going on for decades. Every year the Citizen is bombarded with complaints about noise and mess. There are also ideas for getting shot of the birds and 13 years ago this sort of correspondence became laugh-out-loud crazy.

In a series of letters some utterly barmy suggestions were made. The amazing thing is that these were taken seriously and even cropped up later in magazines and on telly.

Among other things readers were told that in Hong Kong gulls were enticed on to artificial cliffs, trapped and given to street vendors who sold gull meat with noodles. Why couldn’t Gloucester do that?

The really big story, however, sprang from the pen of ‘Lasse Viraanen’, who claimed that in his native Finland, gulls were kept at bay by placing on every roof a coop containing chickens – this because gulls have a morbid terror of the domestic birds.

Well, this one ran and ran, with much discussion about whether hens should be positioned on top of Shire Hall and other buildings. It was a delight to open the paper and discover yet another earnest contribution to the debate.

The whole thing was a hoax, of course, concocted by a couple of idle codgers over pints of real ale in the New Inn. The chief mischief maker was my boozing companion; I just added some artistic flourishes.

It gave us countless laughs; hours of entertainment. I only hope the same can be said of this year’s crop of gull nonsense, which, as sure as God’s in Gloucestershire, will soon come rolling in. Who knows? Lasse Viraanen himself might have another great idea.

Charles Huffam

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8 comments

  • Oceanswell66  |  July 28 2014, 3:56PM

    LYDNEY HARBOUR AND THE LYDNEY CANAL Those of us who have known and loved Lydney harbour over the years, will have viewed the recent announcement concerning its sale with considerable interest and perhaps with some alarm. A group of us with the well being, not only of the harbour but also of the surrounding environment, are setting up a Trust with the aim of ensuring that the area remains the delightful haven that it is and to guard the ancient and recent history of the port with on the spot management. Having registered our interest with the Environment Agency, who are the present managers, we are working hard to get the paddles in motion. Whilst we feel that independence from any single influence is important, we wish to involve all those organisations who share the appropriate civic and educational values as possible. Our group is called "The Independent Harbour Trust Scheme" and we should welcome any constructive ideas from interested people. If, like us the future wellbeing of the harbour and the canal is close to your heart, we would love to hear from you. Rob Campbell, 01600 716 115 daytime. Thanks.

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  • honslknjklyt  |  May 03 2014, 9:09PM

    If you look at that bag on floor, there are items in there that can and should be recycled. I was in town centre yesterday and people are always slating these birds. There was an orange bag outside one of the shops. The seagull was ripping it open. It knew something was in there. I saw what it was, a sandwich with only a bite taken out, Now at home, that goes in our food recycling bin. We never have problems with seagulls. So why aren't these shops using their food bins? There would be nothing in there to take and therefore no need for them to rifle. It does sicken me when I see what shops through out, from plastic bottles to paper, card, cans and food. it is not the seagulls that are guilty - it is people.

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  • Lecorche  |  April 23 2014, 10:53AM

    Snakes! That'd clear them away. Lots of free roaming snakes. Gotta be a better idea than any that our failed council has come up with.

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  • Kay_Powell  |  April 16 2014, 5:30PM

    Greetings to Charles Huffam and his associates. I read your letter in today's Citizen. I hadn't heard before of the hoax letter about the Willy Winky Club for Ragged Children - it sounds amazing.

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  • Kay_Powell  |  March 10 2014, 12:16AM

    Nice one, Charles. You and your pals weren't responsible for the Scions of Onan, were you? That was the best hoax I've read.

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  • RoadWombat  |  March 09 2014, 12:09PM

    The River Cottage website reckons that sauteed is best, but you have to soak the meat in briny water a few times to tone down the fishy taste (or in Gloucester's case, the doner kebab taste). It's not strictly legal to catch 'em, though, though, so best not to get caught or the greenies'll get in a right old tizz.

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  • zinboya  |  March 09 2014, 10:37AM

    Glos_Lad34, how about curried gull, roast gull, gull stew.

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  • Glos_Lad34  |  March 08 2014, 5:54PM

    Gull Burger anyone?

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